This world is so broken

I watched a sermon about Prayer and the nations from The Village Church today and it was heartbreaking and convicting and wonderful. I have been so complacent I feel like because I don't want to do the wrong thing so I haven't been doing anything. How does that make sense?

My heart just became so heavy today for all of the people around the world that haven't heard the gospel. The people that have a hole in their hearts that only You can fill, God. The people that are broken and in desperate need of hope and love. The people that have been sold for someone else's pleasure. The people that keep human traffickers in business. The kids that lost their parents and are now orphans who don't have anyone to take care of them. The Christians being persecuted in other countries. The people who think that things of this world are going to satisfy them when each thing that's not Jesus is only going to make them more dissatisfied.

I sobbed. I am heartbroken for each of these problems. This world is so broken and people don't seem to see how desperately they need Jesus.

I watched some of the Super Bowl tonight and all I could think about was the amount of people (women, children, and men) that were going to be sold later to have sex with sports fans. I recently read a great article on the subject. Human trafficking continues after large events. These people will still be here tomorrow morning. Still needing prayer. Still needing help. Still needing something to be done.

I also thought about the amount of money. I thought about the people all over the world with the lack of food, education, clothing, shelter, etc. and how many people could be provided for with just one of those bonus checks the players get. A player on the losing team gets a $49,000 bonus. So to put that into perspective that would be about the equivalent of sponsoring 10 children at $27 a month through Every Orphan's Hope for 15 years. Crazy.

Now I'm not saying all of this to hate on the Super Bowl. I think sports are great and going to football games is fun! I have lost count of the amount of Aggie football games I've attend. Whoop. I think it's important not to turn a blind eye to things though. Just because we pretend something isn't there doesn't mean it goes away.

As much as I wanted to ignore the aching in my heart and for it to go away didn't mean it would actually go away until I did something about it. And ya know I am still heartbroken over all of this but something I was reminded of today is to make God's agenda my agenda and to make God's passions my passions.

God is passionate about each one of these things that break my heart because I know they each break His heart immensely more. I know He's got an agenda and I know He is going to be glorified through all of this.

I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines (see I love sports. look at that sports metaphor) while God uses someone else to be part of His awesome plan. I hope you don't either.

God is so Much More...

This little blog of mine has been somewhat neglected since I have been back in America so I am changing that right now.

Since my last blog update (which probs sounded like I was a total wreck and I kind of was but whatevs) Jesus has just been doing some cool things and moving and grooving in my life here in Lubs.

I have decided to start substitute teaching while I apply for real jobs. God has changed my route to non-profits so we will see where He leads me. I would jump at the chance to go back to Zambia but I don't know if that's what He has for me right now.

Like I said though, God has been teaching me all sorts of cool things. For instance, how not in control I am, how having a relationship with God takes effort, how even when sin tells me things are about me this life is still not about me it's about God, and also how much greater our God is than our tiny human minds could ever conceive. He is so much more.

I often think I put God in a box. I only think of certain characteristics of who He is at certain times. He is so much more though. He is everything all at once. I have been reading Creation Unraveled by Matt Carter & Halim Suh, which is awesome if you haven't read it, and in it they talk about God being just and merciful. He is never one or the other. He is always both.

They also discuss the names Moses calls God in Genesis 1 vs. Genesis 2. In Genesis 1, Moses refers to God as Elohim which means might, power, majesty, or all-mightiness. In this instance, Moses is referring to a name that describes God. In Genesis 2, Moses refers to God as Yahweh which is God's personal name. It's the name He calls Himself (Exodus 3:14-15). God is both Yahweh and Elohim.

Now yesterday I was reading Psalm 103. This passage talks about God's great love for us. It's great and if you haven't read the Psalms just do it. It's like Nike.

Psalm 103:3-5 says, "who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things..."

God forgives, heals, redeems, crowns, and satisfies us and yet He is so much more. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I continue to learn about God I will never fully grasp Him and understand all that He is. As much as I know I will never fully understand though, it makes me want to know Him more. He is the only thing that will ever fully satisfy.

And isn't it cool that we serve a God who reveals Himself to us piece by piece so that we continue to seek Him? My answer is yes but that's just me.

Forever Changed

Well I am a few days into life back in America and I am already struggling. I don’t think I could have prepared enough for coming back. Everything seems different.

I feel so out of place, my house doesn’t feel like my home, and I’m an emotional wreck. I guess that’s what living in Africa for two months will do to you though. I don’t know if I expected my heart to be changed as much as it has but here I am crying every 5 minutes, not knowing how to talk to people, getting emotional as I open the fridge full of food, having a complete breakdown when I saw the new television my parents bought while I was away, and the mere thought of entering a store makes me nervous. And to be honest, the amount of white people around kind of freaks me out.

I am forever changed and I’m okay with that. I would not trade my two months in Zambia for anything. In fact, if I could hop on a plane right now and go back I would. My intern mama, Cheryl, keeps telling me I’m not allowed to make any major decisions within three months though so I think that might fall into that category.

I fell in love with Zambia; with the people, the culture, the slower paced, more relational way of life. God already knew I would feel that way though before I even stepped off the plane. He knew I would fall in love and not want to leave because that’s how He made me. He knew that coming back would be hard for me too. He is the same God in Zambia as He is in Texas though and I know He is sitting here with me as I process all these crazy thoughts and emotions.

Since I know that He is good and that He works all things out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), I know His plan for me in calling me back to America is good. I know that what He has in store is better than anything else. I firmly believe that with my whole heart.

So as much as my heart is breaking and I want to punch people for saying dumb things like “How was the plane ride? Wow 16 hours that is so long.”, I know He is using each moment for my good and to teach me something. Just like He used each moment in Africa for my good and to teach me too many things to count.

I saw Him and His people in a whole new way. I truly saw what it looks like to love people the way Jesus does. Jesus forever changed my heart. Although I don’t know what the “now what?” looks like, I know God has a plan and it’s going to blow my mind. I just can’t wait to see it.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” -1 Corinthians 2:9

All is Grace

I read the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp recently. I loved it and highly recommend it. Her writing is basically like poetry. It’s beautiful truth that will seep into your soul as you read each page. This book is obviously about gifts and in it she makes a list of the gifts God has given her and giving thanks. God has a way of wooing us with the everyday things we just have to see it. Ann talks about how everything is grace because everything is from God. It is seeing God in everything and thanking Him for everything that is in our lives that brings the fullness of joy.

Anyway, it is a great read and I give it all the stars. The point of me bringing up Ann is that she talks about time. In One Thousand Gifts she says, “Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one.” I have found that to be very true as my time is coming to an end here in Zambia. I keep asking myself where the time went. It seriously feels like yesterday we were getting off the plane and stepping into this new and exciting world of unknown. Now we have finally mastered where everything is, which grocery store is the best and least expensive, how to drive like a Zambian, and it’s time to leave.

Yesterday we visited Chongwe for the last time. We got to go and say our goodbyes to all of the kids and all of the mamas. Some of the kids asked me when I was coming back or if I would be back next year. I told them “I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I will be back I can promise you that.” 

Saying goodbye to those kids was the hardest part of this trip so far. Reading Ann has put things into a new perspective for me though. Although it breaks my heart to leave the sweet little nuggets that have become a part of me over the summer, I am so thankful that God brought me here. I am thankful for all of the smiles I’ve gotten to see, all of the laughs filled with joy I’ve gotten to hear, all of the hands I’ve gotten to hold, all of the many hugs I’ve given and received, and all of the love that has been shared.

My heart wants so badly to stay here but I know God is good and will bring me back in His timing. This morning we had our last devo with the EOH staff. It was really good. God had some great reminders for us that although our time is ending here we cannot even fathom the amazing things He has in store for the future. (1 Corinthians 2:9-10)

Psalm 73:26 was also in our devo this morning which says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Such a good reminder as our time comes to an end here. Even cooler, how God gives us little nuggets of wisdom like these when we need it most.  

He also gives us wonderful convos with our intern mama, Cheryl, when we need them most like this morning. We got to start our day talking with her and her just giving us advice and preparing us for coming home. The best piece of advice she gave us though was to enjoy today. I am so thankful that we got to talk to Cheryl this morning and to have her to give us words of wisdom. She also looked directly at me and told me not to make and major decisions when I get back for 3 to 6 months. She knows me too well. :)

Through reading Ann, talking with Cheryl, and my continued convos with Brooke and Lauren, God is reminding me to enjoy today and give thanks for each moment He’s given me here because all is grace.

An Indescribable Joy

We had our final Camp Hope of the summer and the roles looked a little bit different this time around. Brooke and I actually had our own group of 19 4-6 year olds. They were an absolute blast and I love every single one of them so much. Getting to know each of their fun, sassy, hilarious, and loveable personalities was so much fun! They each have a story and we got to hear about it which was awesome.

One of my favorite things was when one of them would run up to me and tell me a whole story of something that just happened in Nyanja (thinking I knew exactly what they were saying of course) and then stop and want me to do something. I kept having to remind them I only knew a few words. I wish so badly I could have spoken to them in Nyanja but that just wasn't going to happen.

Thankfully we had two wonderful translators, Peter and Lubasi, who helped us wrangle and talk to the little nuggets. They were the bomb. We could not have done it without them and they are both so wonderful with kids so all of the nugget pies loved them as well. So thankful for these men.

3 of our sweet nugget pies accepted Christ that week which is so awesome!!! Heaven is absolutely rejoicing for these sweet kids even more than we are.

We ended Camp Hope with each of the kids releasing a balloon into the air and it was so cool. 300 balloons all going up into the air at once and the kids absolutely loved it. It was incredible. The kids had an indescribable joy.

We got to spend a lot of time with the missionary team that came for Camp Hope and loved all of them! They each led their groups so well. I loved getting to know each of them and the team leader, Sharon, in particular. She is so genuine, and caring, and led the team with such humility.

The Saturday after Camp Hope we all went to Chongwe and all of the Lusaka kids and mamas came and we handed out sponsor gifts, played games, had lunch, and it was such a fun time for the missionaries and the kids to all spend a little more time together before they left and we got to plan it and put the groups together. God totally used us which was so cool to see. We had a missionary tell us she wanted to sponsor one of the kids that was in her group so we were so pumped about that! It's cool when you get to see the fruit of what God is doing.

Sponsorship is a really awesome thing. Each of these kids is so grateful to have the opportunity they do to go to school, and have the amazing family and support system they do through My Father’s House. Being here I have learned so much about the sponsorship program and when Gary, the founder of EOH, was here he explained it in more detail which helped me tremendously.

Sponsoring a child is $27 a month. When Gary was here we asked him how he came up with the number of $27 a month. He explained to us that he did the math and added all of the costs up and it costs roughly $324 a month to take care of one child in My Father’s House, so if each child were to have 12 sponsors than the amount each month would be $27. This money goes to food, school, school supplies, clothing, healthcare, etc.

Gary also informed us about how once someone decides to sponsor a child, they are added to the Facebook group of sponsors for that child. This is a way for sponsors to communicate with each other and know who the other sponsors for the child are.

Being a sponsor means these kids will get an education. Being a sponsor means these kids will get regular meals when at one point they might not have. Being a sponsor means these kids will be taken care of. Being a sponsor means these kids will do chores alongside their brothers and sisters. Being a sponsor means these kids have the opportunity to grow up in a family that not only loves and encourages them but most importantly loves and seeks Christ in all they do and will direct these kids to know our Savior.

Sponsors have an amazing place in these kids’ hearts. I have collected the hundreds of letters that these kids have written to their sponsors and seen the joy on their faces when they get a letter or gift or birthday card from their sponsor. It’s an indescribable joy. 

If you would like more information on sponsoring an awesome My Father’s House kid I would love to talk to you about it! Feel free to check out the website. http://everyorphan.org/sponsor-an-orphan/

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 
                                                                -James 1:27

Love Does

I started and finished reading Love Does by Bob Goff while being here. If you haven't read this book you should. It is mesmerizing and full of amazing stories that always relate back to God and how He moves in our lives. Being here has made the statement "love does" even more relevant as the people here truly love with their whole heart and action comes out of that. I am in awe of their love for people. They serve wholeheartedly, welcome you into their home as if you are their friend who has just been gone for awhile, and just love to spend time with people they love. 

Brooke, Lauren, and I had the privilege to spend Friday to Tuesday at the My Father's House homes in Chongwe with these amazing people. Chongwe is a town/village about an hour from Lusaka. It is much more rural than Lusaka so it was a totally different experience. It is definitely much more how I pictured Africa going into it. People walking down the roads, little huts set up to sell fruit and veggies, kids outside playing football, cooking outside on a fire; it is just different from our home in Lusaka. They are both amazing in their own ways. 

I loved the newness about Chongwe and being out of my comfort zone after getting used to our home in Lusaka. I mean we've mastered the roads here and know how to walk to the homes. We are practically locals! (Super joking but it does feel that way when we run into someone we know walking around). We know that when a bus yells “hospital!” they aren't actually going to the hospital it’s just a route.

I loved the lack of electricity in Chongwe. They have solar lights in all of the homes which I thought was super cool. And at night the stars and the moon are so amazingly beautiful. There are not even enough words to describe how great of an artist our Creator is. Seriously you just have to see for yourself. They just reflect God’s beauty.

“Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars.” –Psalm 148:3

A few words to describe our five days: amazing, incredible, challenging, joyful, eye opening, hard and wonderful all at the same time.

In Chongwe there are 7 homes at My Father’s House. House 3 and 4 are currently on the mend after a storm destroyed the roofs on both of them so the kids from those homes have been dispersed into the other homes. Not all of the homes are full but as of right now since 3 and 4 aren’t ready yet they pretty much are. There is a mama and 8 kids in each home (or a max of 8 kids); 4 boys and 4 girls.

Brooke stayed in house 1 with Mama Anna and a lot of the kids in her house were gone this weekend for sports. It was a holiday so they didn’t have school on Monday or Tuesday. There were some nuggets from homes 3 and 4 though. Lauren stayed in house 2 with Mama Mary; she had a couple from house 3 as well. I got to stay in house 7 with Mama Sarah, James, Joseph, Romario, Dorcus, Idah, Doreen, Mabel, and Christine.

Gig 'em from House 7 in Chongwe!

They begin their mornings around 5 usually (we started at 6 since it was a holiday weekend) with morning devotion. I woke up to my house singing morning praises because that is how they wake everyone up for devotion. Talk about a great start to the day and the best way to wake up in my opinion. They don’t even say good morning or anything until they have finished praises and devotion. I loved that. Acknowledging God before anyone or anything else in the morning and thanking Him for the day he has made.

I helped with chores and helped cook a little. We played a lot of football with kids and I must say my skills have improved drastically. Even Kauya said I was a striker; I’m pretty sure he was just trying to be nice though. One of our intern duties is to collect sponsor letters so we did that with all of the kids and actually got them from all of the kids who were home. One day we went across the road to the schools. Most of the kids attend the one directly across the road but three of the younger kids attend the Esther school.

The Esther school is run by Americans so those three (Michael, Doreen, and Idah) are on summer break and the rest of the kids are in school because they do trimesters here. We got to meet Kevin and Tina who have been involved in running the Esther school in Chongwe. The teacher housing is right before the school so you walk down a little path and then there is the school. Their time is actually up this week but they are staying to adopt their little girl. She is stinkin adorable.

While in Chongwe we ate a lot of food. Nshima, which is their staple food item, was had a lot. We had porridge, samp (which is maize that is somewhat mashed plus ground nuts. It tastes kind of sweet.), and ifisashi (chinese cabbage plus ground nuts) and you might think that sounds gross but you’re wrong. It was SO good! We had rice with a bean soup which I was a big fan of. Kapenta was on the menu one night (it is dried little fish) but the girls and I decided to pass on that one. When I informed Mama Sarah and Dorcus that they didn’t need to make me any Mama Sarah said she doesn't like kapenta either so I felt good about my decision.

We got to work with some of the kids on reading and English. Something I struggled with while being in Chongwe was the older kid’s educational foundations. I just want them all to be able to do well in their studies yet they aren’t able to because of where they have come from and the previous education (or lack of) they have had. Brooke, Lauren, and I were only there for a short period and could only do so much; what they need is someone to help them daily. I trust God will provide for them because he delights in giving his children good things and education is a good thing.

On a more positive note we got to know the kids really well. For example, Ngosa can sing really well and led the choir at church on Sunday. Samuel loves to play slap jack and loves to win too but who can blame him. Doreen has a personality all her own. We said she was a woman trapped in a seven year olds body. Her personality is just too big for her tiny self. She loves to dance and laugh and sing and pretend like she doesn't know what you’re saying and answer you in Nyanja. James is so kind and servant hearted. It took some time for him to warm up to me but we definitely bonded. I think it was me offering him all of my leftovers. He loves the Lord and even when devotion was in Nyanja I could hear it in his tone of voice how he spoke of God. He’s a total boy and loves to play football. He loves to learn and is a rock star at math, which is his favorite subject.

Jerry, Samuel, and James

I had such an amazing few days getting to know each of these kids and the mamas more. I am so thankful and humbled that they let me into their lives for a few short days and into their hearts. I definitely learned a lot from each of them and from being in Chongwe and just doing life there. God is so present there and it was so cool to see. All of these people are amazing in how they love one another. It took me back to Bob and how, "simply put, love does." It was so evident how much they love by their actions.

We are back in Lusaka now and we picked up a new team Wednesday for our next Camp Hope so things are back in full swing. We are expecting to have 300 kids in Matero on Monday for Camp Hope round 2! We are so excited and just working to prepare everything for the kids and helping the missionaries in whatever they need. This team is from Virginia and the rest of the team, who are from Texas, arrives on Saturday. We are looking forward to having all of them here!

We spent yesterday with the VA team and already love them! About half have been here before and some are board members in the States. It has been really fun to get to know them all and has made us even more excited for the camp to come!

Pray that we will get to know everyone and form good relationships with each of them before we go into Camp Hope. Pray for the kids that will be coming to camp; that their hearts will be open to what the leaders have to say and that the Spirit will guide each group. Pray that the leaders will lead with grace and humility. Pray for lives to be changed as we share the gospel with a new group of 300 (hopefully) nuggets!

Rejoice and Be Glad!

This week has been a much slower pace than last week which has been so nice. We have been able to go to the My Father's House homes and visit the kids. It's crazy how one week of not seeing all of them made me miss them so much!

Monday we went to homes 1 and 2 and had tea with Thoko and got to catch up on her life. It was great to hear about her week last week. I am so thankful for her friendship and how fast it has grown since we have been here. While we were having tea a bus of fellow Americans showed up. People just show up at the homes we've learned. They came by to talk to the kids and they sang a few songs and prayed with them It was really sweet. I could tell that the man leading the group was very genuine and his heart was very much there by the way he spoke. They were coming to teach at a bible college nearby. While they were still there, Lubasi, Thoko, Lauren, Brooke, and I left and went to Lubasi's school, the University of Lusaka. He is about to start his third year of law school. Whoop! It's a lot different than A&M but it was so cool to see where he goes to class and hear about his classes and professors.

Gig 'em from the University of Lusaka in Zambia.

Tuesday we started one of our tasks of collecting sponsor letters from all of the kids in the homes to each of their sponsors. (For more information on sponsoring check out the link http://everyorphan.org/sponsor-an-orphan/) We went to homes 1 and 2 that morning and sat with Emmanuel, Denga, Thoko, and Lubasi while they wrote some letters and drew some pictures for their sponsors. We listened to some music and sang along to the songs for them. They love it when we sing. (joking) We learned Denga loves country music and Lubasi will just pretend to know the lyrics and sing along to anything. He's got some great dance moves though. Thoko has the voice of an angel so she could sing pretty much anything and it would sound wonderful. Since being here we have mastered the schedule of when the power goes out and Tuesdays is one of those days except for this Tuesday. We still aren't sure as to why we had power but it was one of those things that I was so thankful to have since we don't normally have it on those days.

Wednesday we went to visit the homes with teen mania. They are the missionary group I mentioned in one of my earlier posts about Camp Hope. We visited all of the Lusaka homes and then headed to Chongwe for the day. One of the teen mania girls sponsors one of the kids in Chongwe so she wanted to surprise her. In Chongwe we got to play with the kids and see the mamas. We haven't gotten to spend much time out at Chongwe so any time we do get to go we are always so excited. We will be going there tomorrow however and staying until Tuesday! We are so pumped! Back to Wednesday though. Teen mania was splitting up into three groups to go visit a clinic, visit a village, and visit the head man and Abigail informed us that we would be going with them and we were to each pick a group. 

I picked the clinic but once we got there the woman working said she couldn't let us help because she didn't know we were coming and didn't know who we were which makes total sense. I wouldn't just let some random mzungus come start doing stuff at my clinic either. She was very thankful for the offer but said no. We ended up going to a small village/a couple homes together and asked the woman if there was anything we could do. She took us over to this large straw hut without a roof type thing and pulled out a bag of corn. This "hut" (it's in quotes because that is what I named it and I do not know the correct term) was filled with corn. Thomas (our translator) showed us what to do and we quickly learned we were to beat the bag of corn with a wooden club. This caused the corn to come off the cob; once it was off Thomas grabbed a bowl and shook/sifted out the corn dust so only the corn remained. It was a really cool process.

A couple of the teen mania girls talked with the two women and got to know them a little bit. Teen mania did a great job at serving the people but also forming a relationship with them. I am very thankful I got to go with them and see them love so well. We prayed for them which was such a sweet time and then headed back to the My Father's House homes. I got to play with Doreen, Suzen, and Idah, some of the girls that live in the homes. They each of such amazing personalities all their own. Doreen is a little fire cracker. That girl has a lot of sass and I think she was smack talking during the game but it was in Nyanja so I can't be sure. She is so great. Suzen is a ray of sunshine. She is always smiling and is such a sweet heart. And Idah is a little on the shy side at the moment but I am sure that after our 5 days there we will be besties.

After our adventures we headed back to Lusaka. We spent the main part of the day in Chongwe. Once we got back to the office (aka our home) we started making dinner. We decided to have a 4th of July celebration with Thoko, Charles, and Lubasi and it was going to be Friday but then we are going to Chongwe so we had to move it. Anyway, we wanted to make them an American meal and what better day then American Independence Day? We made burgers, mashed potatoes, had watermelon, and made apple cobbler. It was delicious. And we even taught them how to two-step! Not necessarily American but we're all from Texas so what's a girl to do? 

Brooke, Charles, Lauren, Lubasi, Me, and Thoko celebrating the 4th of July!

Today we got our visas renewed which we thought was going to take us half the day and took about 10 minutes tops. Whoop to that! We went to homes 3 and 4 later in the day to collect some more sponsor letters and to see the kids. I got to talk to Clement, who is in 9th grade, as I attempted to help him with his math homework. Praise Jesus that math is pretty much the same in every country. Lauren got the history and geography lesson. One of our tasks while we are here is to help the kids with their school work so it was really encouraging that we were able to help them today and they felt comfortable asking us for help. Our relationships with all of them have definitely grown so much. 

One of the main things I've been learning here is that each day is a gift. Our staff devo was from Psalm 118 yesterday and verse 24 says "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Each day is a new opportunity to love and encourage each other, and to make a difference in someone's life. As I travel to Chongwe tomorrow and spend 5 days there I pray I will rejoice at each new morning The Lord gives me.